Some late night fitspo along with some late night emotions for sure! I am super nervous about weighing in tomorrow. I had a really good week but this is always the "have-i-done-enough-to-be-successful-at-another-pounds-of-weight-loss" stress. My macros ended at 1587/42/119/194. I get so anxious because if I don't lose a pound how will affect my attitude tomorrow? I try and not let the scale control and consume me because I know better than to let that measure my success but I can't help it.
Anyways, this blog entry is about to get really girlie and have nothing to do with health, fitness, muscles or working out although I did wake up late this morning I got out early enough to hit up the gym and do my leg workout! THUMBS UP TO THAT. end. I'm about to talk about really personal stuff and some people may not want to continue any further due to not wanting to know some things.. consider yourself warned...I need to release all of these thoughts and I know that most people that read this are women..I think....Besides you Tom and Ron!
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Are you sure you want to continue? That was the red tape above.... The things I am about to write are seriously personal and I am definitely giving up a lot in writing this, but like I said I need some therapy and this is how I get it, by writing and thinking, typing and thinking actually.....
As you all may know, the guy texted me, we texted all day and I'm supposed to see him at some point this weekend. I am excited, I am happy but I am also scared and nervous. He seems really legit (as legit as someone can be through words via reading-strange yeah I know). So far we like a lot of the same things, which is scary all on it's own. How can some random guy that I am physically attracted to not only feel the same way but through just texting seem like someone I really wanted to get to know? So why scared and nervous? because I still really have feelings for my ex (I know I always will) and I am not quite sure really what to do about it. Life is full of fucked up decisions, mistakes etc and sometimes we choose the wrong path but we always learn from it right? Things happen for a reason, right? I just can't though for the life of me tell myself that I am over him because I am not. When it ended that didn't mean my love for him ended. This new guy asked what I was looking for and I said just to live life, that I had a recent breakup, that we were together for a long time, that I want to get to know him and take life day by day that I have met a lot of lame people (men) and that I just want to meet someone real and someone to have fun with. All of that is so true. He said he was seeing a girl for a few months but no longer is and taking life day to day would be nice because he jumps into things too soon. I feel as if I should be open to letting other people in my life but when I think about it deeper, do I really want to be with someone? no. Then again am I being really over reactive I mean this guy didn't say he wanted to marry me! HAH! Seriously, if I think about my ex and my ex meeting someone it makes my eyes fill with tears (like right now) thinking about him being in love with someone else because I want him to still be in love with me.... but it's what I was scared of him doing that I did, not falling in love with another person but just meeting someone. I think I need therapy. I'm like stuck in the middle. Metaphorically speaking I have buried my heart so that no one else could obtain it, only one person but I don't know if he's ever going to come back and not knowing that I keep it buried just in case. Like a friggin dog that buries their bone bc they are afraid us humans will find it or another dog will or something and they keep it there just in case something bad might happen to it. I think this is starting to look like an anxiety disorder.
<3 loved it.... dearest trainer...
ReplyDelete-Ver........
At this point, it is very clear that you still have feelings for your ex. But a part of you want to let a chance to this new guy. :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe this little thing could help you. Ask yourself why it was not working with your ex. Every relationship has his issues. Your ex was not perfect. If it was not working the last time, it will not work with him again.
Love is about timing... It is sad but it is true. You can meet the perfect guy, but it can not working just because you are not ready. And it's ok! You can forced or blame yourself to go into something if you're not ready yet.
I don't know since when you are not with your ex and why... But I can only tell you that break up and love takes time...
Good luck
(Sorry for my english, it is not my first language)
Aww Veronica! I miss you so much!!
ReplyDeleteKaryne-Yes, I do still have feelings for my ex, a lot. The reason it didn't work the first time was because I met a guy that worked at the gym I go to. He was giving me more attention than my boyfruend was and I thought, at the time, the grass might be greener on the other side. Unfort, the guy turned out to be someone that would never love me like my ex did and it caused us to break apart bc I didn't know what I wanted. I feel like I am back in that same position of not knowing what I want and therefore choose nothing. Actually, I think I want 6 different things right now but life doesn't work like that at all...
You are right, love is about timing and the timing for my ex and I was not right, it was when we first fell in love but I don't know what happened..I need to just understand my emotions at the current point in time and not force or feel guilty about anything.
Thanks for reading :)
''I need to just understand my emotions at the current point in time and not force or feel guilty about anything.'' :) I think it's a pretty good start! :) A lot of work around this too! :) Thank you for sharing me your story about your ex. See, it was not perfect and it is not your fault. When you turned for the other guy, it's a good sign that something were wrong. You said that he didn't gives you attention. Well, you know that relationship is about two persons. So don't EVER feel guilty and blame yourself for all. You were two. Also, when you decided to do this, you were doing this as what you knew at this very moment. So, maybe it was the best idea for the moment. You'll never know. :)
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day!
Hi Kyn! Lately life has been an emotional rollercoaster! The relationship was not perfect and I truely believe everything happens for a reason and you are right, it was what I was feeling at THAT moment and not that I go on impuse but I guess I sort of do. In the end though I needed to do what I needed to and now I am feeling differently..yikes..I don't know if it will ever end?!
ReplyDelete