In all honesty...

I guess keeping with the theme of honesty and considering that my trainer reads these too- HI!!!  you might want to stop reading because if you keep going you are going to be mad.  You may also just tell me I can't have any cheat days until I get this right.  I would be a mean trainer and do that, oh god awful.  I just made love to some frito scoops and it was amazing! Yikes, I know, and since I need to be honest, I will share my most awful macros from the time I started until now (not including my cheat day) is...omg...it's horrible...1958/57/171/200, 3968 mg of sodium.  Wow. this is what my menstrual cycle does to me?  This wouldn't be so bad if that damn bag of frozen chicken strips wasn't still existing in my freezer so craps sake!  :(  I'm just glad I took those pictures yesterday but seriously really worried about my weigh in, I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me for not being able to stay on task?  Like earlier today I was sooo pumped about eating healthy and being good, what happened? I think it's every time I work for my family's place I end up eating the mozzarella cheese and then that triggers eating more salty things.  That's all I can think of because if I wouldn't have eaten the cheese or the fritos I would be where I should be with calories.

My feelings right now are frustrating, and rage.  I want to do so well but I am holding myself back.  My mentality of thinking is that I should somehow make up for it tomorrow by being on a liquid diet or some crazy shit like eating1200 calories.  I know though, from previous experience that this NEVER works, I ALWAYS say, ok I will just eat way less tomorrow and then I get half way through the day and then mow down on whatever is closest to me at the time of ultimate consumption!  I am just so mad that I keep telling myself I want to walk across that stage knowing I did whatever I could to get to that point and right now I'm feeling like I am failing myself....wish I had a better blog to write but I should probably end it here before I get too miserable lmao