We all know to live doesn't mean your alive and it seems like out of everyone in the world those that live or grew up in Alden know exactly what I am talking about. Almost every year, if not at least it seems like every 6 months another person is taken away from us. Don't get me wrong I am perfectly clear that people die every minute, etc, etc but it just seems like death has taken over Alden and turned many people sad. It makes me think about how often the subject of death is avoided or think of those who have a horrible time dealing with it or coping with it but in the end it's all different. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to their family and friends.
In my life things have gotten a little bit better. Today I weighed and measured most everything, and I feel much better about it. I am running out of food though and I am desperately trying to eat up all of this pre-cooked, pre-sliced chicken strips I bought from restaurant depot it seems like weeks ago. I have about a half of a bag left out of the 2 that came in the case and my only reasoning behind this is because of the sodium. Unfortunately, there is no nutritional label on the box and so I had to go off the next best option on the livestrong tracking plate. If this is correct, 1 serving holds over 300mg of sodium which put me over the top for today. I know I am holding water weight and then the only options for food I have are things that contain an ass load of sodium. For real period just get here and fucking leave because your fucking pissing me off. I label my days as "bad" bc I do not track 100% and so therefore I upped calorie a little but but today I will end with 1500/24/151/178. My sodium is at 2617! YIKES! high on carbs...again
My biggest inside issue here is that 1 pound I gained, if I had lost something I would have been ok with life and so I am struggling to accept that. Not only accept it but try to lose that pound this week, if I gain another it's going to seriously fuck with my dome. Like I said before this has been the hardest (since friday, so friday saturday and not so much today but still can't say I was 100%, I was definitely more accurate than yesterday though) I will give myself a 90% and even the 1500 on livestrong says 1445 so maybe I should go up to my max of 1575. I will tell you one thing, the time around my cycle is going to be the hardest.
I just want to add to this because I am talking with someone about cravings and how she craves sweet and I crave salty/crunchy. About how her mom ate a lot of sweets when she was pregnant and I see my mom and dad picking/snacking on mostly salty/crunchy things. I think I need to make a list of what I want to buy for food and what I want to eat. I also think I need to do it just day by day, like I want to think ahead but I also need to focus on one day at a time!
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