135 today, yup, a 5 pound gain in a week. Really? If I wasn't frustrated before, I am now. Well, I WAS when I saw that. Honestly, I think throughout this whole time I have been trying to prove something that I will never be able to prove. What am I trying to prove? that I can get results while eating with no strict eating Regine, Let me explain. When I first started this, working out, no big deal, I can lift until the sun goes down and have no problems, but when it comes to nutrition I think I can make up my own rules and be more free falling that I really need to be. I try to get away with not planning and just going with the flow of the day. I don't measure/weigh things sometimes, or I think I am over estimating when in reality I am under-estimating. This..is not working. I am not doing something that humans do in their normal everyday life. Other than myself and the people in my facebook world, I only know of 2 other people that are into doing shows and competing. So no, this is not normal behavior and why? because it's not easy and this I am learning.
Last week I was at 130, and today I weighed in at 135. 5 pounds because I binged for 2 days, I didn't track those 2 days, I ate too much fat a few days and I didn't properly weight, measure, portion and plan everything. I didn't want to be a robot and I just feel like doing all of those things will turn me into a robot that eats the same things day in and day out because I have no time to cook myself different meals everyday for every meal. Maybe you might think at this point then maybe this isn't for you? I honestly don't think that is the case. I know that eating healthy makes me feel good, makes me look good and makes me leaner and healthier so why is it that I can't accept the fact that in order to do this I have to take these necessary steps to get to where I have always wanted to be AND be able to walk across a stage and pose my results from it? My original goal for this whole journey remember, was to change my eating habits. Have I done this? To an extent, but I haven't quite gotten there. I started this whole thing in May and it's basically August so can I really change habits I have had for over 10 years in 3 months? I don't think so but I know I am trying. I also feel like as much as I want to be successful I am failing. That's just a feeling right now because I am frustrated at myself but I know I need to move on and recognize what needs to change permanently. Planning, measuring, weighing, portioning. Let's look at it this way, if we all did this stuff from the time we learned how to cook or make ourselves a sandwich it wouldn't be so hard. If we didn't have all of this processed junk it wouldn't be an issue.
Anyways, I can go off on this tangent for hours but I need to get to the gym and get this test over with. I am banking on a great day, I have planned everything out and will adhere to it all day.
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