It's time to focus on doing the right things to get me to the right spot by October 22nd. Time is ticking by and before I know it I am going to be getting spray tanned while experiencing mini heart attacks thinking about walking across that stage. Am I ready? Right now? no. I know I have A LOT of work to do. I need to focus much more on the planning like I have been saying this whole ride. I need to drop more weight which has been the most frustrating part of all bc I feel like the weeks that go by I don't see the scale move I am failing when I know that is not the case at all. I just have these bad habits that seem harder to break than trying to quit smoking. Seriously, it has been harder to stop binge eating than it ever was to quit smoking. Did I attempt the quitting more than once? yes, it takes the average person 7 attempts to quit but eventually I did it cold turkey. The last cigg I ever smoked was December 31st, 2006 and I remember it so clearly. My ex boyfriend and I were at a friends house waiting for the ball to drop when their power went out, we hopped back on the thruway to rush to get back to his moms house and on the way there I got so completely frustrated with smoking. I don't know exactly what happened but I told him, here, take these and throw them out the fucking window! I don't want them anymore! To this day I haven't had one drag!
I know I have it in me! I want this to be a lifestyle change and not just something I am doing for 1 competition. My original goal was to stop these bad eating habits and although I have been doing better and I have screwed up along the way that end goal to be a better eater, have better eating habits, look better, feel better is still being accomplished. I can't let the bad days determine whether or not I have put in a good effort. I know I have been trying my hardest and I know this isn't easy.
It's also amazing to have such a great support system. At work they don't care that I am weighing my food with the prep scale. They don't care that I am making a meal and eating it in the middle of a lunch rush because they know I can multi-task, and very good at it. My friends don't care that I put on a whole pound of chicken cutlets before we go into a concert or pour protein powder in my coffee. My boyfriend doesn't make fun of me when I bring my scale over to weigh myself in the morning. He doesn't look at me weird for bringing a lunch bag. I even have friends from facebook that will text me when they need a boost and vice versa! My trainer, also, I know he absolutely wants to kill me for screwing up so much still doesn't disown me but is brutally honest and I know the biggest thing I fear is him telling me I can't walk across that stage.
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