2 steps away from Psychosis

I am at the end of the day, I came home and had about 150 more calories to consume and I went over my total for today by about 100 because I had a few more almonds than I should have.  I really was planning on eating chicken, went to the restaurant to grab the extra that I had cooked only to find, to no such amazement, that it was missing. FUCK. Plan B) almonds because I needed the fat.  Get home and find out the chicken is freezing.  Well at least I can be on spot for tomorrow too.

I really will give myself a pat on the back and after hearing my meals for today you can give me a virtual high five because this is the sort of shit that's gonna do me good.

Breakfast-8:00am  I slept at my boyfriends but lucky me, he has healty food in abundance because we shopped which by the way, if you are reading this right now we need to get some more stuff).  I had 2 slices of wheat toast, 4 ounces of chicken and a half scoop whey with my coffee.

Meal 2 was post workout: 12:00- 4 ounces of chicken, 4 ounces of pico de gallo, 1 celery, 1 hard boiled egg, 1 green pepper all mixed together, chopped up with some red wine vinegar.  I had to think out what I could use for the fat aspect of this meal and knew I had to come up with something other than nuts or cheese considering we have no low fat cheese in the restrautn (pretty sick, isn't it? I think so)

Meal 3- 2:00 sort of the same deal, 4 ounces chicken, 1/2 hard boiled egg, 4 ounces pico de gallo, 2 celery, 4 ounces grape toms, no vinegar just chopped uo.

Meal 4-4:30-5  6-8 ounces chicken, 6 ounces romaine, 4 ounces pico, 1 celery, 1/2 hard boiled egg

Meal 5- 10pm- Had class and I should have had one more round of chicken with me but oh well.  I ended the day with 1451/41/94/168 and 16 glasses of water.

So why am I 2 steps away from psychosis?  I want to eat MORE!! NOOOOOOWWWW!!!! This is the hardest part, I wasn't even hungry until I got home, well ok, I was hungry a little bit before that but thoughts of food didn't dance around in my head until I got home knowing there is food everywhere.  I do not want food to control me, I need to get out of this comfort zone I have created with food and binging and everyday I make my own choices and I do not want to choice a path that will lead myself into another binge and feeling like shit and worrying about whether or not I can walk across that stage.  It is time for me to start making the right choices towards being able to walk across the stage! DAMN IT~~~