Spray Butter x45756

You know, I seriously think that I should write a book after this competition because I feel like I have been the most upfront and real as anyone has ever been.  I had a bad day yesterday and it was all because of some nuts.  Literally, nuts.  Honey roasted pecans to be exact, mixed with dried cranberries and throw in a piece of mind from a manager and you have Talia going to walmart to get a huge bag of trail mix, whole wheat thins, and a box of kashi go lean crunch because obviously now that I am no longer bored at work eating nuts, I am now annoyed and food must comfort me.  

Funny thing about this is that I started my first day of classes last night.  Interventions with Professor Frost.  Seems like an extremely knowledgeable professor and so when we went around the room and I discussed how I want to end up working with people dealing with eating disorders, exercise disorders and those in competition training, he must have known I am an over eater considering the large bag of trail mix I shared with no one.  After all of the usual intros, etc, etc we stated talking about comfort and how people get comfortable in the life they have always lives.  Alcoholics although hate growing up and living with an alcoholic it is often that they end up marrying or being with someone who also has the same problem.  Why? comfort, it;s easier to be and do something we know than it is to be uncomfortable and have to actually try.  I have totally related this to my binging.  The other day my boyfriend and I went out to eat at Chili's.  We were both in a pissed off mood to the point where I even said I needed a drink (of course I didn't have one but I did eat some chips).  Anyways as we sat there and ate, we both agreed that food makes us feel better.  I even mentioned I will probably make a facebook event for the day after my comp so I can get so food drunk I might even take off Monday so I can just lay in bed all day and that actually maybe they should start planning  my funeral.  Anyways, "comfort food," isn't that a term we have heard before?  I know my family uses it a lot and I think this comfort zone of whenever I am sad, angry, feeling hungry or bored that I must eat even if I am not hungry because it's easier to just give in and eat like shit than it is to not eat and wait another 3 hours to eat something that will absolutely not fill me up at all.

So I think I really just need to get familiar with being uncomfortable, that doing this competition isn't something that is comfortable and that's why only about 10% of the population actually do it! So here's to being uncomfortable and this time not my stomach but my head.