This picture is AWESOME!! I feel like this represents me to a tee! I have been super stressed out lately. Monday I spent about 9 hours in the library writing 2 papers for these last 2 classes this week. Over the weekend I spent most of it eating foods that shouldn't even touch my fingers and for 2 days after my stomach was so ruined I thought I might have a digestive problem. I must add a mistake (13) that states not to even think that I can eat 1 shitty food category without going into another, it just doesn't happen, it always leads to an excessive amount. As I sit here and ponder this, I think about the many websites I could go to that have recipes for things like healthy/protein infested cookies and such, so why don't I start doing that? Why don't I, if I have a craing for something sweet bake something for God's sake? Or cook a healthy version of a pizza or something? I need to figure out a different path because allowing myself to eat a piece of cake or some ice cream or whatever else is causing me to look like a rabid animal lost in the middle of the suburbs in broad day light!
Another major issue I have been having is-in the words of Limp Bizkit- the he said, she said bullshit. Let me tell you something. I am 27 years old. I have experienced a lot on life. I have been in trouble, I have been the victim, I have been the perpetrator, I have talked shit, I have stood up, I have watched, I have listened, I have loved, I have lost, but most importantly I learn from my OWN mistakes not anyone else's. I have never had to deal with such excess anxiety because of other people, well ok, that's probably a lie but not anytime recent in my life and so this is really aggravating. My solution? Unfriend. Block. I know people will always speak their opinions whether or not others agree, people will always try to be right even when they aren't and people will always try to be persuasive when they have no business doing so. Let me live my own life. Let me make my own mistakes. Yes, I do apprecaite honesty, yes I do appreciate when people do not beat around the bush and tell me like it is but when it comes to decisions that have to be my own, let me make them and if I made a mistake, then that's life.
My competition journey has nothing to do with this, BTW. I have an amazing trainer that although I am slightly afraid of, bc when he's ignoring me it usually means he is mad at me and cooling off before he says anything he regrets. The other day when I was at the library, I was sitting there, trying to put these papers together, thinking about how annoyed I was and how much I wanted to just go home and eat some chips and then some cookies and then some pizza. My brain is so confused when it gets in that "binge" mode. I really still don't understand it and it's sad that I am still doing it :( Al I know is that I am getting closer to this competition and I need to move forward, not dwell on things and keep positive. This is my first comp and I want to give it my all, I know I have made some serious mistakes on the way but I never expected to be perfect. By the end of the week I should be sending my measurements out to get my bikini!! I am soooo excited!
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