Some late night fitspo and after a day of feeling guilty for what I did, because my stomach was so bloated today. I found myself in the gym almost crying before I hit the showers. I dissapoint myself but yet I never do anything to change it... I don't understand myself sometimes, it is so hard to say mind over matter in certain situations and for girls like VICKI and anyone else who eats clean 24/7 and doesn't let stress consume them I bow down to you. I need to find it in me and quit this dumb shit because I am not getting anything out of it. Today I ended with 1592/34/122/211 and about 695mg sodium, drank my 16 glasses of water too. I def feel better than I did earlier in the day but my period is also coming and I can tell because my boobs are fuller. I wonder if this is also why I was craving such bad foods but I looked back into my diary and saw I got the cravings the few days before my period so I need to be prepared because it will more than likely come back around.
Tomorrow I have to work at 11 so I plan on working out before then, work at night in Alden and then going over to "his" house to chill. I am so excited! The kiss was great, I am loving the time we get to spend together getting to know each other. We get along really well and I have learned a lot about him already so far. You know what though? I don't event think this is real. It can't be, I'm probably just dreaming....
I plan on eating well tomorrow but again, I never got a chance to go food shopping and this is my downfall I KNOW. There really isn't anything I can do though and I think this is one of the many reasons I am not good at this because I plan as I go and the only thing I plan is to eat something every 3 hours which usually works well but then when I am somewhere I can't get anything healthy or obtain anything healthy then I am in a rut. I just need to quit the shit and stop thinking I can have a bite of this and of that and be fine or have a salad with nothing on it other than tomatoes, garbanzo beans and feel satisfied. I actually started carrying my jug of protein around with me because for real, I live out of my car so I figure if I just bring it along I will always have it. I am not embarrassed about it because I am starting to see that if I keep dicking around like this even if it's just little by little that I am not going to be anywhere near stage ready. I don't want to dissapoint my trainer, myself or anyone else. I am beyond aggrivated with myself that I keep making the same mistakes over and over but have no idea how to change it so I don't make them. For right now not having extra money to food shop is a huge problem. Tomorrow I am going to plan on eating something when I wake up, I know I have some veggies and eggs so I will make an omellete. After my workout I will have some protein powder but now as I think about it what else? I could bring some baby carrots so that will be at 11. At 2 I will have another shake, maybe 2 depending on if I am still at work. I will eat again at 5 when I am at my other job, more than likely I will buy some food or maybe if I have time swing by tops to get some chicken so I can have a filling salad. At 8 hopefully I will be cleaning up shop so probably just another protein shake before I go hang out with him. That should keep me set. I know I need to figure something out with buying food. Once my credit cards get paid off it will be easier it just has been so dead at work, and yup, money is my number one stressor. Can't escape that, that's for sure.
I am going to do something new though and not let the little things bother me. Even if they are bigger things I need to learn how to manage my feelings better. Maybe I really do need to start by just making sure I am eating every 3 hours. If I do that then I will have to make sure I have something around to make that happen and I know that if I eat every 3 hours I do not snack inbetween, I feel full and I can live life instead of thinking about food all of the time.
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