In the beginning of the year I planned a trip to Florida with a good friend of mine to visit another good friend of mine. The plan was to lose a bunch of weight and look amazing on the beach. During that time, I manged to get down 15 pounds between water weight loss, etc. and somehow put it all back on the month before I went. How did this happen? It was all mental, I play mental games with myself that have gotten me into this position I can't seem to move out of. I keep digging the hole deeper by making the same mistakes and so this is why I have chosen to start training for my first figure competition.
It has ALWAYS been a dream of mine to be a fitness or bikini model but many people around me turned me into the other direction telling me it wasn't healthy, that these girls didn't really look like that and that they don't look like that 365 days a year. For the past 5 years I have struggled to get myself into the best shape possible, to get myself to look like the picture in my head and only a few times did I ever get close only to toss it all out the window.
Wait a second, so I lost 15 pounds and then gained it back it a month? WHAT?? ok let's go back to that. I can EAT, boy can I eat and seriously the best way to my heart is to give me a bag of croutons! I love my carbs and therefore once I get through those, sweets are obviously next! I can put down a lot of food and I definitely carry a lot of water weight too so when I eat a lot another obvious point would be that the scale isn't very nice the next few weeks. So at one point I was 5 pounds away from my goal weight and then I ate it all back, doing a compeition starting dancing around in my head and before you know it my mind took over. It was my mind that told me"ok, so you will do this compeition, start training when you get back from vacation so you better eat as many shitty and un-nutritional foods as you can because who knows when the next time your trainer will let you have it again" Anyone who has dieted, lost weight, or gotten caught up in the fitness world knows EXACTLY what I am talking about. So do that everyday for a week and you get bloated, keep doing it and you gain a few pounds. Go on vacation and your screwed.
So, here I am today, on day 2 of my diet plan getting ready to do the Olympus in October! I start my new workout routine either tomorrow or Monday, more than likely Monday and I couldn't be anymore excited to do this! It's going to be the most challenging thing I have ever had to do in my life but I know I have an AWESOME trainer! His confidence in me gives me even more of a boost and I know all I have to do is give it my all. I have struggled with eating since I started getting into fitness. I became a trainer a few years ago and that made it even worse. There is so much information out there that it gets super overwhelming and I did just that. I got overwhelmed, I overloaded my brain with so much information it started to contradict itself. My weight went up and down, my confidence went up and down. Bouts of depression came and went and it was all based on this image I had in my head that I constantly held a negative attitude about because I always felt like a failure.
I am doing this competition for me. I am doing it to feel better, look better, have more confidence and obviously try to win but winning isn't my number one priority. I want to be healthy, I don't want to cycle on and off binges. I don't want to gain and lose weight year round, I want to be lean, fit and sexy! I am keeping this journal for myself and for anyone else that wants to follow along! Wish me luck!!!
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