First of all I want to start off this blog by telling you about my day. It was beyond difficult, it was excruciating, I told myself that from 30 days out I needed to do what I need to do to get stage ready and be confident in that little pink bikini and today, feeling uncomfortable and feeling hungry but not really knowing if it was hunger or another emotion, finding other things to do instead of thinking about food is hard. I want to shout out to a few of my girls, Amelia, Audrey, Chelsea, Robin and Theresa. I have never officially met a single one of you but each of you have come into my life for a reason. This blog is inspired by Theresa because we started talking about why us, what makes us do this? when did this all start? I have theories that were too long to explain over 160 characters. I was helped a ton by Amelia today and stuck to my meal plan kicking and screaming the whole day! Robin, I must thank you also today for being there to tell me about the Tiramisu pancakes when my hand wanted to go into the walnut bin! I am so lucky to have all of you in my life and THANK YOU!
Meal 1-4 eggs, 2 whites, 2 slices weight watcher cheese, 3 tsp creamer- this morning meal seems to hold me over well, pre workout, I know I will get to eat when I get to work so this isn;t the part of the day that's hard at all.
Meal 2- 5 ounces chicken, 1 serving sugar peas, 100 calorie pack of almonds, 12:00 noon
Fast forward to about 145 and I am pretty sure I texted Robin at this point. Seriously not even 2 hours later and I am hungry again, or am I bored, ok maybe I am bored. Do some dishes. Nope, still hungry, I try to reason with myself. Just have a handful of walnuts and then that will be it. My reasoning comes back at me, HELL TO THE NO, TALIA VANCE! Don't even do it...fine......fuck....do more dishes
Meal 3- FINALLY- 245, couldn't wait the full 3 hours, close enough! 1 lean burger patty, 2 slices cheese, 1 servings sugar peas. Wow....whatdoyaknow, I am STILL hungry
Meal 4- 5 ounces chicken and 1 bag of romaine...god this is boring! At this point it's only like 530pm and I am already over it.
Meal 5- 3 ounces chicken
1484/65/50/174
The whole time I have been texting my girls and eventually I realize I have done it! I stayed on my plan! I over came many opportunities to screw it up and I didn't do it! It was hard, I hate the feeling of not being able to do what I want but what I want is to see results, get on stage and be as sexy as I can be and I KNOW binging or over eating or eating a shit load of nuts isn't going to make me feel any better!
BINGING:
My fitness routine started, oh I don't know...back in 2006 with my ex boyfriend, I was chunky, I wanted to lose weight so I hit the gym, I started going on fitness websites, I start posting on forums, buying Oxygen magazine, years went by, I became a personal trainer and obsessed even more. It is somewhere along this continuum that binging occured and here is what I think is the reasoning behind it....
When we want to lose weight we restrict calories, we take foods out that we know aren't "good" for us. We stop eating the "bad" foods. At one point I read Lyle McDonald's "Guide to Flexible Dieting" and in this composition he explained it to a tee. If you ever get the chance, read it, I am sure you will agree. Basically what he says is that when we try to diet/change our body composition etc that we restrict, we don't allow ourselves to have certain things, we label food as good and bad and eventually we become rigid. We say ok, I am going to give 100%, I won't eat X,Y,and Z at all. Ok, so you eat X, then you eat Y and then say fuck it, mind as well eat Z. Then the feelings of guilt come through, even as soon as you put the X in your mouth, you start to think, shit I fell off, I am not being 100%, I mind as well just eat everything else I couldn't have and start over again tomorrow. You do great for a week and then you crave chocolate, so you eat it, the feelings come back and you go for more things you deprived yourself of.
Basically, I think people binge because they have learned to label foods as good and bad and take the bad out completely when in reality it is hard to give them up forever. Now, I am NOT saying it can't be done and I am not saying everyone will think the same way but I do not think it's a matter of how we feel towards our bodies. I love my body, I know I have changes I want to make but when I am in a binging mode, I KNOW exactly what I am doing, how I am feeling and what it will be like after. Stopping it is the hardest thing to do, controlling it is even harder but I really believe the reason behind it to begin with is the start of dieting and thinking that you can't have certain things.
Think about it this way, if a miracle were to happen over night and I didn't know it occurred but I knew something was different what would that be? I wouldn't be a binger, I would have learned how to eat things in moderation, I would not label things as bad or good and therefore nothing would be considered off limits. Unfortunately when we go to this route, want to be healthy etc yes obviously we know their are healthy foods and not so healthy foods but don't you think if we didn't give them labels that we wouldn't be binging on them?? I think this is key, but it;s hard living in a society that has clearly set labels on certain food items which don't get me wrong again, they are bad, but maybe we could label them differently. Unhealthy even? What if we started exercising and eating right and didn't look at it as a DIET, I think that would also change things too,
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