Heaven in my cup

I would just like to take a moment this morning and reflect on the events of yesterday.  I do not like to go back in time but I would really like to make a good point about how I felt and how I got so upset yesterday.  When I was confronted by my boyfriend about what was really going on I felt ridiculous admitting to the fact that it was food related.  I was hungry, I didn't make breakfast before the run, instead I had the remainder of the almonds I bought with a diet orange soda thinking I would be ok.  I was for the time being and I had my laptop so I distracted myself with some morning facebook stalking.  My friend came and got me for our 5K walk, yes we walked, WHATEVER, IDC, running and I don't get along with my Grandma knees.  After we thought we might hit up the free food but it was greasy sausage, lips and asshole hotdogs and chicken patties! WTF, and not to mention beer and pop! Are you kidding me?! I don't get why this occurs after races, can someone please explain to me why you would want to drink a beer, and a draft beer after you just run or walked a 5K? Gross!  Anywhos we skipped out on that and then went to the gym to lift.  I was tired already at that point.  No, not from walking, I just didn't feel like lifting, I so desperatly wanted to say fuck it, let's just go back to my boyfriends apartment and be lazy but I pushed through it and even went up in weight in some of my exercises,  I felt better that I lifted but after that and by the time we got back I started to become miserable.

My whole point to this after ranting for a really long paragraph is that I have become so involved in worrying about what I can't eat, I get emotional over it and cry, but why?  Our society is starving, America has tons of homeless people and families that are struggling to put food on the table and live off of pasta and water and here I am ruining my day over the fact that I have to eat clean and healthy.  What is wrong with me?!?!  Regardless, I cried on my way home and ate the deli turkey we bought, more than 3 string cheese, and then got home and killed the rest of the peanut butter.  In the meantime I cooked up some lean beef, chicken and lean sausage for the rest of the week so I know I will be prepared to kill it.

This morning I had to weigh myself and face reality of what had been done and I was happy to see that I was still 127 :)  So on forth to this new day!  Coffee with sugar free peppermint mocha! I have the day off from training but still have work and school.  Have my lunch bag full of the foods I need! Killin it bitches! Killin it!