Shoop ba doop!

Writing this now because I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to get this killer shoulder workout in.  I am sorta dreading it but breading its length, loving the fact that I am gonna get an awesome workout in!  Tomorrow marks the last day before I have to weigh in and I'm not going to bullshit I do not think I lost, if anything I am pretty sure the scale will be up because of this past weekend and my period.  Not gonna dwell, don't work hard in the kitchen, not gonna show on the scale.  People need to understand it has to be both, yes, including MYSELF!  I ended today with 1563/32/124/185 and all of my water.  I also need to start bloggin about that too.  Yesturday was actually 1557/23/147/189 because I forgot to log some broccoli hahah.  Today went relatively well, I did go a little long without eating from when I left applebees at around 4 to until I went food shopping and ate some rice cakes on the way home.  Then I got home and had some protein powder.  I have decided that starting tomorrow I am going to take fish oil again and hopefully in 2 months I will see a change back to where my hair and nails used to be.  I can't imagine it would take that long?  I was taking them for awhile and have only stopped for 2 months.  I ate my nails right now, I have to keep cutting them because they are so brittle and crack in dumb spots and then I have like 10 different lengths.  Not sexy at all.


I don't think I will be doing much tomorrow night except chillin over at my sisters house and I finally went food shopping tonight so I have a few thigns to keep me until I start running out again.  I also really want to make some of this stuff I have been seeing my friend kristin make.  Well she shows me the websites and I say, wow that looks really good and I should make it but I never do.  I am still learning that I need to plan, that I need to cook that I need to do many things but I also am a realist.  This means I know I am not perfect, I need to accept my imperfections, accept the times I have gone astray from my diet but be happy that I can pull myself back up by realizing that continuing the cycle will never get me anywhere.  When that scale says 133 or even god forbid any higher than that it will just prove that I can't have my cake and eat it too.  I am counting down the days and as I just said that and just typed that I realize I don't want to count them down, I want to make them count!  I don't want to make the time go by fast..I want to enjoy everyday to it's fullest!


Looking forward but also dreading this shoulder workout tomorrow.  I looked at it while I was doing legs today and I said under my breath, a little f-you to my trainer.  It's gonna be super tough but I am looking forward to killing it!  I am also looking forward to going into my 9th week.  Wondering what my trainer will tweet for my workouts and I am kinda hoping my diet changes a little.  I'm not gonna lie I think I need to get real, get serious and crack  down that whip!  Hope everyone has a FIT-TASTIC day!!

I spilled the beans

Literally, I spilled the remains of the coffee grounds all over the floor, probably about oh I don't know, 3 tbsp worth.  Upset?  Well yes because the last of the full caffine coffee was all over the floor!  My dad drinks half calf and I wasn't feelin that!  Make shift breakfast this morning too.  I do not have any food, tragedy, this is what gets me in trouble but I found some frozen turkey burgers and cooked a few of those up, had some strawberries and rice cakes too.  For my post workout it will be the other turkey burger, some protein powder and some baby carrots.  The rest of it I am not sure but I will definitely be lugging my jar of protein around.  I had it in my passenger seat yesterday and the new boy saw it, haha, at first I said that's embarassing but then I said no.  I gotta do what I gotta do at this point!  I am really glad that I picked myself back up and got right back on track with eating better.  I know abs are made in the kitchen and I need to keep that in my mind for the next 107 days!

I also am going to start taking fish oil again.  The reason I stopped was because of the 2 grams of fat it added to my daily macros.  When you only have 30 grams, those 2 can def make you go over.  Lately though I have been noticing that my nails aren't growing as good, they are chipping and splitting and my hair has been greasy.  Plus I want my hair to grow back faster and I am pretty sure this helps!

Yesturday my macros ended at 1495/23/135/183 so not bad at all.  I spent the evening with the new boy and I left with a huge smile on my face, fell asleep with it and woke up with it.  I really like this guy a lot, he's def already told me that he really likes me and that he has shooed away other girls (seriously, he is gorgeous, I am def sure there is a line waiting for him) and he said there is no one else that he is into right now..so.....I guess I'm good.  I am going about this way different than any previous relationship and it's really awesome.  He's mature, he knows what he wants, he has a good head on his shoulder, good values, he has goals, ambition, hes a great kisser, he has amazing eyes, a gorgeous smile...ah.......so excited!  I feel so happy when I am with him, I feel really comfortable and safe.

Ok, shut up Talia geez you are making everyone jealous!! I'm just stunned that a guy as gorgeous as him is so into me and lets not even imagine right now what hes going to look like in a shirt and tie omg I think I might have another mini heart attack.  Which by the way last thing, he said when he came in he saw me immediately and was staring/watching me and when he came back the day I gave him my number he saw me shaking! HAH How embarrassing! Oh well, I am really glad I took that chance!!!!! 

Anyways I need to get ready for a killer workout! work and then class., full day! Is it Sunday yet?!?!

It's Wednesday!

I don't know anyone who is excited as I am today because it's Wednesday.  No one else really cares, right?  Well I do!!!!! why? DUH a boy!  I told him last night that this isn't real, he must be imagined and I must be dreaming.  I'm not sure he got it, although I think he probably did.  I'm in the clouds...

Today for breakfast I had some organic vegetable soup, no salt added, so I added in some pepper and italian spice which also has no salt and a protein shake.  I plan on eating every 3 hours and keeping myself full!  Back day at the gym and I am sooo ready to rock it!! My stomach feels a little better than it did yesterday but it's still saying to me "please be kind to me from now on"  I know what I need to do now I need to find a way to make sure I am doing it.  No more giving in to any bad foods, and I also believe I need to think more about the decision I am about to make rather than just making it.  For example, if I have had a bad day where I haven't been able to eat as planned and I get hungry and just want to grab everything in site to really stop and think about whats around me that I can make a meal with.  Also, boredom is a huge factor, when I am bored and food is available if all else fails, I eat.  That needs to stop too which is really easy to do at Applebee's but for some reason harder to accomplish at my family restaurant.  

My goal for today is to hit my macros and kill it at the gym.  Making today count!  Taking it minute by minute, enjoying being alive, healthy and keeping that end goal in mind, walking across that stage lookin hott!!  I have exactly 108 days until I get to show off what I have accomplished and I want to show the world that I accomplished what I set out to accomplish with some set backs, with some negatives but that I prevailed and got past it, built myself stronger, made the mistakes to learn from them and do awesome!!!

Quit the shit Talia!

Some late night fitspo and after a day of feeling guilty for what I did, because my stomach was so bloated today.  I found myself in the gym almost crying before I hit the showers. I dissapoint myself but yet I never do anything to change it... I don't understand myself sometimes, it is so hard to say mind over matter in certain situations and for girls like VICKI and anyone else who eats clean 24/7 and doesn't let stress consume them I bow down to you.  I need to find it in me and quit this dumb shit because I am not getting anything out of it.  Today I ended with 1592/34/122/211 and about 695mg sodium, drank my 16 glasses of water too.  I def feel better than I did earlier in the day but my period is also coming and I can tell because my boobs are fuller.  I wonder if this is also why I was craving such bad foods but I looked back into my diary and saw I got the cravings the few days before my period so I need to be prepared because it will more than likely come back around.

Tomorrow I have to work at 11 so I plan on working out before then, work at night in Alden and then going over to "his" house to chill.  I am so excited!  The kiss was great, I am loving the time we get to spend together getting to know each other.  We get along really well and I have learned a lot about him already so far.  You know what though?  I don't event think this is real.  It can't be, I'm probably just dreaming....

I plan on eating well tomorrow but again, I never got a chance to go food shopping and this is my downfall I KNOW.  There really isn't anything I can do though and I think this is one of the many reasons I am not good at this because I plan as I go and the only thing I plan is to eat something every 3 hours which usually works well but then when I am somewhere I can't get anything healthy or obtain anything healthy then I am in a rut.  I just need to quit the shit and stop thinking I can have a bite of this and of that and be fine or have a salad with nothing on it other than tomatoes, garbanzo beans and feel satisfied.  I actually started carrying my jug of protein around with me because for real, I live out of my car so I figure if I just bring it along I will always have it.  I am not embarrassed about it because I am starting to see that if I keep dicking around like this even if it's just little by little that I am not going to be anywhere near stage ready.  I don't want to dissapoint my trainer, myself or anyone else.  I am beyond aggrivated with myself that I keep making the same mistakes over and over but have no idea how to change it so I don't make them.  For right now not having extra money to food shop is a huge problem.  Tomorrow I am going to plan on eating something when I wake up, I know I have some veggies and eggs so I will make an omellete.  After my workout I will have some protein powder but now as I think about it what else?  I could bring some baby carrots so that will be at 11.  At 2 I will have another shake, maybe 2 depending on if I am still at work.  I will eat again at 5 when I am at my other job, more than likely I will buy some food or maybe if I have time swing by tops to get some chicken so I can have a filling salad.  At 8 hopefully I will be cleaning up shop so probably just another protein shake before I go hang out with him.  That should keep me set.  I know I need to figure something out with buying food.  Once my credit cards get paid off it will be easier it just has been so dead at work, and yup, money is my number one stressor.  Can't escape that, that's for sure.  

I am going to do something new though and not let the little things bother me.  Even if they are bigger things I need to learn how to manage my feelings better.  Maybe I really do need to start by just making sure I am eating every 3 hours.  If I do that then I will have to make sure I have something around to make that happen and I know that if I eat every 3 hours I do not snack inbetween, I feel full and I can live life instead of thinking about food all of the time.

Killed it at the gym today!  I did chest and I went up on my incline BB, went up on my machine press, and a few other things too.  My cardio I did intervals on the elliptical.  Nothing too major, I think tomorrow I am going to do my interval sprints.  Well I better get going, but before I do let's figure out time management.  I have to work at 11, so I have to be done working out by let's say 1030, stretch from 1015-1030, cardio from 9:40-1015, lift from 840-940, leave home at 8, YIKES, that means I will have to be up at 630-645.goodbye

Head Straight

This past weekend, well all I am going to say is that has derailed my efforts.  I let stress win, I let myself emotionally eat and the holiday didn't help.  What I am not going to do right now is make this whole blog into how I feel so guilty that I am a failure and I I want to give up because that isn't the case at all.  After everything I have been through with the whole binging thing, I know I am not going to be perfect but I need to put in a better effort on the eating end. I keep making the same mistakes over and over and this one has def cost me.  It's def not easy to eat clean 100% of the time.  I do so well and then bam something happens and I screw it up.  Well I am ready to challenge myself to not eat any junk because this competition is going to be here sooner than I think and right now I can't say that i am ready.  So what am I going to do to change that?  Get serious, and eat healthy!

Although this weekend was full of stress I definitely had a great time out on my friend's boat for the weekend.  We went downtown the night before and last night I got to spend it with someone I really like  :)  we shared our first kiss, and I'm really happy he made the first move because I was itching to do it all night and I just couldn't.  I am sooo happy!!! This is sooo crazy!  Seriously how insane???!?! :)  I feel like my head is floating, my thoughts are jumbled but I haven't been this happy in a long time.  It's so strange how everything has fallen into place.  I'm really glad I didn't chicken out on giving him my number that's for damn sure!!!

Can't wait to hit the gym HARD!

131!!

All my hard work, consistancy, weighing, measuring, accurate calorie counting, non junk food eating week has helped me lose another pound! This time I am super excited and feel as if this sort of success I will now how to drive in a more positive direction.  I first of all want to say that I am EXTREMELY grateful for having an awesome trainer!  He has given me a great workout routine that I push myself at the gym to do everyday!   Yesterday when I did legs I couldn't walk normal after the last exercise and it just made me think not only do I want to punch my trainer in the face but I want to hug him too hahhaha.  I am trying to get away from stressing myself out b/c I know what happens to my cortisol levels and I also know what happens to my carb cravings.  Speaking of which I better prepare myself b/c my friend is coming soon.  You know what I mean.  I posted a few new pics of myself and I feel like I can't tell a huge difference, I am looking forward to seeing my progress pics in a few weeks though.

Last night I went out to the bar to visit a few friends, it was fun at first then got really boring, no hotties haha  Tonight I am looking forward to going DT to dance and then Sunday is the beach if it's nice! I skipped the gym today because my girls and I are planning on going Sunday before the gym.  I really should have walked this morning but that's ok I can still do it later if I get the time after work tonight.  Not really worried about it, if anything I can double up tomorrow and spend 2 hours at the gym. uggh.

I have to work in a few hours and the one thing I ask out of today is that someone is able to come visit me at work :) that is all :)  Have an awesome day everyone!!!

Small, small world

Good Morning! I wanted to do an early morning blog because I didn't get home last night until 1230 and had to get up super early. WHY?  Early morning workout baby!! Today is leg day and I want to it it hard!  Also, because tomorrow is my big day, weigh in day and I didn't do too bad last night except I was really under.  My macros ended up being 1320/18/139/159 and sodium was at 892!  I want to make a really big shout out to CHELSEA!  We have exchanged numbers to keep each other motivated and just as she texted me to tell me something I was eating cheerios straight from the cereal box!!  NO!!! Bad me!! I know I didn't eat a whole serving.  I was listening to lectures, sitting here waiting to leave for class and so I put them away and left and really happy she texted me because I probably would have gotten in a serving or 2.  So those cheerios are the reason I went over on carbs.  The reason for not eating all my calories/protein?  A boy  :)

I skipped my lifting routine yesterday and the only cardio I did was 30 min of light walking after I dropped my car off to get an oil change.  Whatever, better than nothing and I plan on actually working out the rest of the weekend too.

It seriously is such a small world!  First of all let me tell you that I struggled for about 1/2 hour hopelessly looking into my closet for something to wear.  It was about 70 degrees when I was doing this so pants were out of the question and shorts were as well considering I don't have any.  I always thought I looked super gross in jean shorts so all I really wear are skirts.  So I put on my red peace sign tanktop, light jean skirt and green sandals.  I think it was simple enough to go over to his friends house.  Well, by the time class was half over and we got our break and escaped from the dungeon it was really cold!!!  Luckily, my friend was home so I borrowed a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt just in case!  Praise the stars for my girl NICOLE!!!!!

Before I even get there, actually during class when I knew he wanted me to come I was getting sooo nervous.  I have to meet his friends, what if they don't like me? What if he doesn't like me? So, I get to his friends house and turns out the guy that lives there is a guy that lived down the street from me when we were growing up!!!!! I couldn't believe it but honestly felt relief, I didn't feel so up-tight, I felt like I could really just relax.  All of his friends were super cool, I think I got along with them all and I even got to meet his dog!!  First thing I did when I got home?  Emailed my friend and told him he better dish it out about this guy!  Nothing yet, but hoping to hear some good things because I know we just met and all but I just get a really good vibe.....

Anyways, now that I know someone knows him I am SURE he blew up my spot with all the posts on facebook I have recently made.  Crap.  Have a great day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!