Food baby

The only responsibility I have today is class at 630 and I fear this isn't goo for my dome.  I am home by myself, just me and the dogs.  I have accomplished two things thus far; (1) called in for a new pack of birth control because I lost mine- I have no idea how that happened but good thing I'm not having sex (2) paid my Discover credit card bill (2 days too late, let's cross our fingers for a weekend grace period).  

As I sit here, I realize I still have feelings in my head and heart that I stuffed away for the weekend extravaganza.  I would be a liar if I said I was completely over the heart ache my ex caused.  I know I am a strong woman and I can move on but it still just really hurts deep down knowing it was so easy for him to just walk away.  It hurts to know that someone can say they love you but yet not be willing to do things to make a relationship better.  Simply put, it still hurts.  I thought I would be ready today to get back up on the healthy train and start eating healthy but being home with nothing to do for another 4 hours is not helping that too much.  I took the morning off today because I figured I would be too blasted with carbs and sugar spikes to be an efficient employee.  I went to bed early and I am pretty sure I slept for 12 hours.  When I went to bed I had a belly that resembled a 4 month pregnant woman.  This morning I made some more not so healthy choices but as I sit here and facebook stalk and look at pictures and really truly think about my goals I know I want to get back to it as soon as I can.

Tomorrow I have my internship from 830-330 and then work at 5.  I feel like this is the perfect day to get started with my new goals because I will not be around any shitty food all morning.  I am a little nervous about being in the Applebee's kitchen all night but to be honest I think my then I will be over this eating shitty food free for all.  I know I have eaten the things I really have wanted to eat already; pizza, ice cream, french toast and chocolate!!!! 

I am so thankful for all of the support that I have around me and I know anywhere I turn even if I am trying to run there will be someone there with their hand stretched out to stop me, to remind me of what my dreams are.  I get a little bit stronger every day and I don't want anything to stop me from reaching my goals.  I had a blast at this first competition and I have learned so much and definitely made a lot of mistakes and am making sure I don't make them this time!  I am done looking for the loop holes and taking the short cuts!  I need to put in what I want to get out!  I know I will be ok, I know I can accomplish whatever I set out to do and now that I have the experience with this show I will use that to help me with the next one!!!