Stressed x 73725

The above picture is what I should be partaking in at this current moment in time but instead I am on here, blogging off my face because my head is in 734685 different directions.

First of all, I had my internship today and let's just say I am glad I can honestly accept the fact that I am NOT ready for motherhood.  I definitely have a lot to learn and I am really excited that I have been given this opportunity to do this internship.  I am going to learn a shit load!  Not to mention I might fall in love with all of these children which may not be good at the end...

Second of all, of course we HAVE to talk about this competition, I was a height verification away from being taken out of it and apparently this is the BIGGEST show Olympus has EVER had.  AWESOME.  Makes me really proud knowing I binged my way through this :( NOT.  Oh well, my own fault, I am lucky this isn't the WBFF!  I can't say I am where I wanted to be and I am willing to accept fault for it.  I also want to back that up by saying that I have learned SO much about myself and that all the mistakes I made this time around will be sure to be avoided the next time.

Third- I am really getting sick of doing cardio

Fourth-  My first sponsor for OA ended up leaving me.  She said she had some issues and I am ok with that.  Just means it wasn't meant to work out for us.  Also, it meant I was supposed to find my new sponsor and I already love her!  My fear though is that I haven't been able to devote much time to OA.  I have been making it a point to go to an online meeting at least once a day but noticed I haven't been "at" the meeting.  I am a multi-tasker, I can juggle many things at once and I love that I have that talent but I also hate it too for things like this.  Being a COE needs my undivided attention and I didn't do that tonight.  Instead I was too concerned with catching up on facebook updates (really?!) checking my emails and feeling guilty that I do not have the time to read all of the responses to the OA loops I am subscribed to and feeling bad that I haven't been doing the daily assignments.  This program is very in depth and I know I need to work it for it to work but I only have so much damn time in a damn day and I would like if I got to enjoy time once in awhile.  Can that ever happen?

Fifth- I posted on a FB group about what to do AFTER the show.  I have been good about not binging or compulsively over eating and I fear that the show being over I will get back to old habits.  I do NOT want this to happen.  Being in OA has made me realize that I do have an issue with food and it needs to be addressed but the restricting that has happened at the end of this journey because I have messed up so much along the way does not go along well together.  I am so scared that I will fall back into these stupid habits.  I have a plan though and I will stick to that plan!  

Sixth- I keep thinking about how a lot of girls are saying that training and prepping for a competition has ruined their lives.  I can not agree with this at all.  I decided to give up drinking alcohol over 6 months ago and I have to say that was one of the best decisions I ever made.  My social life has NOT been effected by this and actually since getting into a new relationship has gotten better.  I have never found myself enjoy the company of friends as much as I am right now.  Not only that but my boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship going.  He is EXTREMELY supportive of my goals and we mesh nicely :)  Although I still do get pissed off when people ask what I am eating and then make a gross face.  Like get the fuck away from me then!  MAJOR pet peeve with that!  Ewww..whats that?! ITS FUCKIN CHICKEN...DUH!!!! Anyways, I feel confident in knowing that I have not let this interfere with my life, some people may say I have but how come?  because I ate broccoli instead of fries? or because I worked out before work and you didn't?  This is a LIFESTYLE for me and I WANT to compete and I WANT to get better at this


Just like my boyfriend reassured me, things that were invented, even medicine or technology, all of those people made mistakes and screwed up before they got it right.


PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION


<3